Patterns come in quite handy when sewing something. No so handy when they are your recurring, icky, patterns that you would rather eliminate.
This week, I ran headlong into an old pattern of mine. I did not realize this was a pattern I was going to have to deal with again. I had recognized this pattern in the past and I thought, for some reason, that I had eliminated it.
In the past, I have not been very good at asking for what I want and need. I’ve made huge strides towards feeling like I deserve to have my needs met. It doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t understand. I am worth it.
I am so much more willing to make my needs know and ask for what I want. It feels damn good too!
This week I had a disagreement with a good friend that led to me realizing that I am still not making my needs known. What is up with that???
I was so sad and angry when I realized it was still there and STILL causing me problems and pain. Man, that pissed me off!
For the past few days I have been working on finding the purpose; the silver lining in this. I have since realized that I needed reminding that this is lifelong work, not a one-time deal. I fall into that trap again and again.
The minute I think I’ve “got it”, the universe finds a way to remind me that the work is never done. As sad as I am about this situation, I am grateful that I now see where I still need to do more work.
I’m sure there are more of my patterns that are lurking around that I am not even aware of. When they come to my awareness, I will practice eliminating them also.
I think I’ll pull out my dusty sewing machine and make something out of this!