Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Patterns aren't only for sewing!

Patterns come in quite handy when sewing something. No so handy when they are your recurring, icky, patterns that you would rather eliminate.

This week, I ran headlong into an old pattern of mine. I did not realize this was a pattern I was going to have to deal with again. I had recognized this pattern in the past and I thought, for some reason, that I had eliminated it.

In the past, I have not been very good at asking for what I want and need. I’ve made huge strides towards feeling like I deserve to have my needs met. It doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t understand. I am worth it.

I am so much more willing to make my needs know and ask for what I want. It feels damn good too!

This week I had a disagreement with a good friend that led to me realizing that I am still not making my needs known. What is up with that???

I was so sad and angry when I realized it was still there and STILL causing me problems and pain. Man, that pissed me off!

For the past few days I have been working on finding the purpose; the silver lining in this. I have since realized that I needed reminding that this is lifelong work, not a one-time deal. I fall into that trap again and again.

The minute I think I’ve “got it”, the universe finds a way to remind me that the work is never done. As sad as I am about this situation, I am grateful that I now see where I still need to do more work.

I’m sure there are more of my patterns that are lurking around that I am not even aware of. When they come to my awareness, I will practice eliminating them also.

I think I’ll pull out my dusty sewing machine and make something out of this!

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